Adjusting . . .

For the first time in years, I walked 4 miles before breakfast. Not having to return by a particular time in order to get ready for work was a true joy. I walked for the sheer joy of walking, realizing that I was also giving my body much-needed exercise. It was cool and breezy, a pleasant way to begin any day.

Drawing near to home, I stopped to visit with a neighbor who worked last night. We discussed proper care for flowers and bushes in the midst of drought. I listened; he spoke. I walked across the street and watered our flowers and shrubs. We are allowed to do so on Tuesdays and Saturdays now, thanks to the rain that has fallen as of late.

When Bonnie returned home from yoga, we prepared a late breakfast and ate on our patio under the shade of a large, blue umbrella. After eating, we began doing our devotional reading. One book, a gift from a church family, is for couples in retirement. The theme for this week is grace, the undeserved, unearned love that God gives to us and that we are encouraged to share with one another.

Without warning, a hummingbird flew to the feeders ten feet from where we were sitting. This was the first one either of us had seen this year. What a joy to watch as she drank deeply, unconcerned about us. Perhaps I can live like that today.

Watching the stock market has become a painful act, humanly-speaking, these past few weeks. Whatever the market closes at today will determine my pension from the United Methodist Church. I prayed that this was the time to retire, and I am going on faith that God will provide for our needs, regardless of what the market does. I am selfishly praying that it goes up a bit, say, 1,500 points. I am trying to live with a positive perspective!

An observation: I shared with Bonnie how difficult it has been for me to slow down and not feel that I have so many deadlines facing me. I am taking a few steps each day to bring closure to the move back home, but internally I am feeling that someone is waiting for me to fall behind so that they can point out my short-comings. for all these years, I have attempted to be true to myself and be authentic before God and others. Always, though, there was one or more people within the church who thought that they knew better than me the things to which I should be committing my time. I feel such a freedom now, but still there is that nagging within, that voice, telling me what to do. For today, I choose not to listen. For today, I am free.